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Does this blog post make me sound slutty?

Earlier today I saw someone post on twitter asking about sex acts that sounded hot or fun until you tried them. I understand where a lot of the responses are coming from but at the end of the day I just don't really relate. To any of them.

This doesn't mean I have never been disappointed with sex or that I have liked everything I have ever tried, but any broad locale/abstract scenario I think of, I can think of at least one instance where I tried it and had fun. Plenty of factors can sour a mood, is my mood stabilizer.

Like yes, sex on the beach is sandy.....unless you're sucking dick on a lifeguard chair or sneaking off to an abandoned structure so you can fuck amongst the ghosts of clandestine sexual encounters past. Sex in the shower or bath can get complicated if you need to put a dick in a hole, but it's a dream environment for watersports. I dare say, it was made for it, more or less. Sometimes I book hotels specifically because their bathrooms have drains inside and outside the showers so we can literally piss and cum everywhere and have it not be an issue. I also love shower sex when my body is in pain; the warm water soothes my sore muscles and makes my orgasms feel extra therapeutic. Mutual masturbation in a giant soaking tub? Yes please! Me in a warm bubble bath playing with my titties while you stand next to the tub and fuck my throat? This is what I'm here for!! Sex with food? Do it outside, you animals. Never be ashamed if your sex requires a tarp. If your sex requires a tarp, congratulations are in order.

None of this is to say that, say, one should necessarily expect good sex in the back of a smartcar, but more that if one is going to have sex in a car you should stick to conversion vans, pickup trucks, and anything that might be described as “a boat”. It's about having a site-specific approach to sex: different locations are conducive to different activities, and if you're trying to repeat the same acts you do in your literal bed in places that wash away lube, are covered in sand, or have crowds of unknowing strangers, you are cruising for disappointment. Likewise, if cleanup requires a pressure hose, maybe don't do it somewhere you want to keep living. If someone else is cleaning your room, leave a tip.

It's all about an expansive approach to sex. Again, obviously this doesn't mean that I enjoy all things in all places all the time, or that I think anyone should do something just because they are “supposed” to like it. Also, 100% no shade to anyone on the twitter thread: knowing your boundaries is hot, I am just one weird bitch who likes to get weird.

I'm all about 2020 being a year of going places I have never been (so I can see if the sex is still hot and fun once I've tried it), pushing myself to keep being my most creative self (so that when people have sex with me it's as hot and fun as they'd hoped), and keeping on changing peoples' (sex) (though not just sex) lives for the better.

May the best of your past be the worst of your future.

Here's to growth, or at least infamy.



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